Five strange questions asked by complete (and seemingly sober) strangers, plus ensuing conversations:
5. A lady at the light rail stop just walked up to me and asked...
Her: Are you gay?
Me: (Blink, blink) Kind of?
Her: (Nodding sagely) I thought you looked like it.
Me: ...Thanks?
4. An elderly customer at the candle shop, while paying for his purchase.
Him: Do you know how to cut the balls off a pig? A boy pig?
Me: No?
Him: You have to cut 'em off, or else you don't get your meat.
Me: Oh...I see.
(He spends next twenty minutes educating me on how to castrate and slaughter pigs.)
3. A well-dressed middle-aged woman on the street.
Her: Where can I find the nearest telegraph office?
Me: Sorry, Ma'am, I have no idea.
Her: Oh, shucks. (Hurries off.)
2. A young male customer at the candle shop.
Him: Do you sell sperm?
Me: No. (Awkward silence.) Do you mean human sperm?
Him: (Frowning) What else would I mean?
Me: Perhaps you could supply your own?
Him: What?!
1. A well-dressed guest at a friend's wedding, after I told her I wrote sci-fi and fantasy.
Her: What is sci-fi?
Me: Science fiction.
Her: Oh! (Pause) What's that?
Me: (Blink, blink) Um...you know, like Isaac Asimov, Star Trek...?
Her: I'm not familiar with that.
Me: ...Star Wars?
Her: Oh, I have heard of that. I did not know it was a thing...
In conclusion: Hail Eris and pass the hotdog buns!
5. A lady at the light rail stop just walked up to me and asked...
Her: Are you gay?
Me: (Blink, blink) Kind of?
Her: (Nodding sagely) I thought you looked like it.
Me: ...Thanks?
4. An elderly customer at the candle shop, while paying for his purchase.
Him: Do you know how to cut the balls off a pig? A boy pig?
Me: No?
Him: You have to cut 'em off, or else you don't get your meat.
Me: Oh...I see.
(He spends next twenty minutes educating me on how to castrate and slaughter pigs.)
3. A well-dressed middle-aged woman on the street.
Her: Where can I find the nearest telegraph office?
Me: Sorry, Ma'am, I have no idea.
Her: Oh, shucks. (Hurries off.)
2. A young male customer at the candle shop.
Him: Do you sell sperm?
Me: No. (Awkward silence.) Do you mean human sperm?
Him: (Frowning) What else would I mean?
Me: Perhaps you could supply your own?
Him: What?!
1. A well-dressed guest at a friend's wedding, after I told her I wrote sci-fi and fantasy.
Her: What is sci-fi?
Me: Science fiction.
Her: Oh! (Pause) What's that?
Me: (Blink, blink) Um...you know, like Isaac Asimov, Star Trek...?
Her: I'm not familiar with that.
Me: ...Star Wars?
Her: Oh, I have heard of that. I did not know it was a thing...
In conclusion: Hail Eris and pass the hotdog buns!
My dropped jaw is making it hard to type. I cannot BELIEVE these!!
ReplyDeleteIf I passed this off as fiction, no one would believe me. Incidentally, my next blog post will deal with belief and reality. ^_^
DeleteI am...stupefied. How do these people find you? I haven't encountered anyone nearly as...entertaining.
ReplyDeleteI think it has something to do with working in downtown Baltimore. These are pretty tame, actually; I left out the ones that involved obviously Schizophrenic people.
Delete