True Colors

Rober Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder

"'When I was a child,' Porphyre said, 'I was white.'"

This line from William Gibson's Mona Lisa Overdrive, spoken by a dark-skinned character, stuck with me long after I had forgotten the plot-significant dialog surrounding it. In the context of the book, his quip underlined the disposability of appearance, and even identity, in the technologically advanced reality of the Sprawl.

It left an impression on me for slightly different reasons. I am the product of an ethnic Chinese mother and an Irish American father. I understood this from an early age, but, lacking exposure to the Western side of my heritage, I never connected with it. I identified primarily with the culture of the land in which I grew up (Taiwan) and of my primary caretaker (my Chinese grandmother).

As such, it confused me when other children picked on my appearance and told me to 'go back to America' long before I had ever set foot on American soil. It did not matter that I was born and bred in Taiwan, or spoke better Chinese than they. Adults in the village complained that my 'American blood' made me wild and rebellious, though I spent my spare time reading and playing alone.

It was enough that I looked different.

Some days, I would have given much to magically stop being a half-breed. I found my long, protruding nose ridiculous. I wanted to dye my hair so that I would not stand out, gleaming dark brown in a sea of black. I hated my large eyes, which so many Chinese people find attractive.

When I moved to the States, I thought I would finally 'fit in'. As far as skin color went, I did blend in with the dizzying ethnic diversity of Montgomery County, Maryland. Thanks to my father's foresight, I did not speak English with any discernable Chinese accent. I looked and sounded like an American kid, but knew virtually nothing about the culture that had produced my peers.

I did not yet understand then the full extent of my otherness, nor the preternatural ability teenagers possess for sniffing it out. Suffice to say that I did not have a pleasant adolescence--in that respect, at least, I was no anomaly.

These experiences have inclined me to think of skin color as a largely arbitrary trait. I realize that some people prefer to celebrate it, and I do not begrudge them that, but I do not grok it myself. I like my half-bred self just fine now, but I maintain that there is nothing wrong with wanting to change one's skin color--no more than it is wrong to want to change the color of one's hair, or eyes.

Alan Cumming in X2

A lot of people look askance at the idea of cosmetic surgery that alters someone's apparent ethnicity. It makes people uncomfortable. Phrases like 'co-opting identities' tend to crop up.

Do I co-opt the identity of white people by the sheer accident of my birth? What about a Chinese child raised by a white family? Or anyone whose cultural background does not match the majority of those who look like him?

I hope that one day, changing one's skin color will become as simple and commonplace as changing hair or eye color. It might help break this habit we have of sorting ourselves by appearance. If not, at least it will make that sorting a bit more voluntary.

Besides, I find blue skin very attractive.